I have so much to say I just never know how to say it.
Then when I do say it, it doesn’t feel right.
I question my feelings sometimes, even when I know I shouldn’t.
I’m imperfect. And I’m happy with that. Why can’t you be?
Doesn’t mean that I’m not trying my best.
At least I know who I am. Do you?
And you don’t have to. That’s fine.
Just don’t make me feel bad about myself.
You have so much to learn and I can’t help you anymore.
Things will never be the same. I know that now.
I don’t like it. But I know that.
Everything happens for a reason.
We happened for a reason.
We ended for a reason.
I’m finding the reason for now and tomorrow and next week.
I’m not one for plans. I’m one for goals and playing things by ear.
I understand that your concerned for my future but you have to trust me.
You are incredible. Truly.
Parts of me will always wish for us again.
I love almost everything about you.
The fact that we still have a part of “us” is beautiful.
My life would not be the same without you.
I have to constantly remind myself of things.
I know you don’t understand me sometimes and this frustrates you.
But sometimes you just can’t help. Even though you want to, you can’t.
I like to pretend like I know what I’m doing, which you’ve figured out by now.
That’s partly why I like acting. I’m good at lying.
I was lying to myself about us for a long time. Convincing my heart I was fine.
But live and learn. That’s all we can do.
(p.s. just felt like getting a lot of my chest tonight. this isn’t supposed to make any sense.)