Late Night Thoughts

I have so much to say I just never know how to say it.

Then when I do say it, it doesn’t feel right.

I question my feelings sometimes, even when I know I shouldn’t.

I’m imperfect. And I’m happy with that. Why can’t you be?

Doesn’t mean that I’m not trying my best.

At least I know who I am. Do you?

And you don’t have to. That’s fine.

Just don’t make me feel bad about myself.

You have so much to learn and I can’t help you anymore.

Things will never be the same. I know that now.

I don’t like it. But I know that.

Everything happens for a reason.

We happened for a reason.

We ended for a reason.

I’m finding the reason for now and tomorrow and next week.

I’m not one for plans. I’m one for goals and playing things by ear.

I understand that your concerned for my future but you have to trust me.

You are incredible. Truly.

Parts of me will always wish for us again.

I love almost everything about you.

The fact that we still have a part of “us” is beautiful.

My life would not be the same without you.

I have to constantly remind myself of things.

I know you don’t understand me sometimes and this frustrates you.

But sometimes you just can’t help. Even though you want to, you can’t.

I like to pretend like I know what I’m doing, which you’ve figured out by now.

That’s partly why I like acting. I’m good at lying.

I was lying to myself about us for a long time. Convincing my heart I was fine.

But live and learn. That’s all we can do.

~cc

(p.s. just felt like getting a lot of my chest tonight. this isn’t supposed to make any sense.)

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