Reflecting Back and Looking Forward

In the style of rockstar, Mormon in Manhattan, Natalie Hill (who’s blog I just adore), here’s my new years blog entry.

2010 has been good to me. Well anything was better than 2009. I couldn’t wait for 2009 to be over. I was angry at so many things and was so eager for the new year.  I really do feel like I got my fresh start this last year.  A year ago this time, I had no idea where my life was heading, I was falling deeply in love with my best friend, I was mixed up and confused with so much anger… It was all very scary, but I just knew that there was nowhere to go but up.

And that’s where it pretty much went. For the first four months of the year, I grew stronger than I had ever been. I was preparing mentally and physically to move off and start my career.  I was so lucky to land my very first New York audition at 18 years old. I was young, successful and in love with life. Everything was wonderful.

Heartbreak department- well this definitely is a area that I don’t really enjoy, but unfortunately have to deal with on a daily basis. When one puts so much of their heart into a relationship, when it ends, it takes a long time to get their heart back to normal. Especially when the other person remains your best and closest friend. And one move onto a busy life where they really don’t have time or energy to heal from the heartbreak. But very slowly and surely, things get better.  A part of me thinks I will always be picking out the pieces of glass in my skin, but what can I do. I fell hard. According to Jerry Herman, even time doesn’t fix what I’ve got.

Work department- I am so so so blessed to have had this wonderful first season. I’ve learned so much about myself and how to be a professional. This job has forced me to grow up and learn to take care of myself. The women that I was surrounded with everyday were such beautiful, talented indivuals. I am in debt to them for their kindness and inspiration.

I too, have been thinking a lot about pain. Like Natalie’s metaphor with the ice on the palms, I can relate it to ice baths. I took many throughout the season and let me tell you, it was not easy at first. It never really was easy, I just got used to it. For the first 2-4 minutes pain surges from your toes to your lower back. You want to move but you knew if you did, it would just hurt more. So instead, you take it head on and just sit through it. You find something to think about, play a game on your phone. Distractions are key. You stare at the clock every fifteen seconds. Once you get to the half way mark, its home free. The pain is gone and you’re just numb. Then when the 10 minutes are up, you cautiously move your body out of the tub. You’re legs look sun burnt. They’re so cold that they feel on fire. It takes a good ten minutes for them to regain full feeling and motion. Your body will wake up the next morning and thank you.

I like to relate this to our trails and the pain that comes along with them. I’ve seen people (myself included) avoid their trials and it causes them more pain. In 2010 I’ve really tried to face all my worst devils (or vampires for any [tos] fans who may be reading.) It’s been painful but I’m so much happier because of it.  (Natalie says it so much better…)

I suggest taking an ice bath just once for fun. At the end of the day, I actually looked forward to them.

Here are my wishes and hopes for 2011:

–       read more

–       maybe do some traveling

–       learn more about the technicalities of photography

–       have better overall body strength

–       be more diligent in my personal study

–       be a more devoted friend and sister

–       be more creative with blogging

–       receive my equity card

–       land another gig!

–       good health for myself and all my loved ones

–       lots of more adventures for cc and company

Here’s to a 2011 that’s even bigger and more spectacular!

Thanks for reading. I hope you have a wonderful year too!!




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