Most people know that I’m a major night owl. I post my photos on Facebook till 2AM. I work on a slideshows. Watch a movie. Work on a script for one of the current shows I’m doing. Surf Itunes… you name it. I like getting things done at night. I’ve always been this way but more so since June 3rd.
I’ve found that night times are always the hardest for me emotionally. Its in those quiet moments that my brain starts to spin with thoughts and regrets and all the sad feelings I had last summer. In keeping myself busy late at night, I finally exhaust myself so I can simply just doze off.
I do that most of the time.
But every so often I don’t. Instead of hiding, i try facing all the tears. And its hard. So hard.
I am so beyond lucky. I could’ve easily died June 3rd. Just thinking about that is a lot to handle. Life means something completely different now. I’m trying to embrace everyone and everything and not waste a second.
When I explain to people what happened at the intersection, in the hospital, etc. I can’t really give a full description. I can only go off of what people have told me. That frustrates me so much. I’m so blessed to not remember that accident and any of the immediate physical pain i was in. But not having my own recollections hurts me because it makes it seem like none of it had ever happened. Don’t worry though. I know it did.
I know that Makenzie was such a good friend to me and I will cherish my memories of her. I know that no matter what, God is there for me. I know that time heals everything. I know that I’m a stronger and better person now. I know that I was kept on this earth for a reason. And I’m going to live every day to the fullest trying to find out what that reason is.
So in those quiet moments some nights when i decide to face my tears and fears, I think about how precious life is. Sometimes things may not be ideal, but I’ve learned that by dealing with it head on is sometime the only way to see clearly again.
Thanks for reading. I love you all!